That’s it, I have had enough. No more. We’re not a team and it’s not helping me in any shape or form. It’s holding me back and I resent it.
Last night I completed a nasty exercise which I devised to force myself to understand what my fat is like.
Now, I am not would you would call fat. I look fairly lean. I have a 31inch waist and run most mornings around the common so I am reasonably fit. It’s just that when I look in the mirror bare chested I don’t like what I see. I have flab over my pectorals so that they are pointy and loose. They jiggle when I move up and down. Jiggling is not good! I have a great desire to see my abdominals too. I bet they are great abs underneath.
I weigh 72kgs. When I left university in ’98 I weighed 88kgs. None of it muscle. I have been gradually honing myself and it has been a case of one step forward and three quarters of a step back, as I tend to use food as a means of reward and emotional crutch. No more. Celebrating losing fat with pizza does not work!
Last night I sat on my bed and held the roll of fat around my waist tightly. I gripped it. I wanted to feel it, get to know it, understand it. It was uncomfortable, for sure.
After a minute or two I wanted to stop. The blood or whatever was keeping it warm moved away, leaving my hands wrapped around cold fat, thinly covered by skin.
It’s was like gripping a roll of bacon fat and it got colder by the moment. Disgusting. It was horrible, lifeless and alien. It wasn’t part of me, that’s for sure. I carried on, hating the feeling, forcing myself to admit that I and I alone can rid myself of this worthless, nasty substance that inhabits my being.
Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs suggests that the second level of human needs includes security.
Http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow’s_hierarchy_of_needs
As I am in insecure about my body, I feel the need to address it, now. According to Maslow’s theory once I feel secure, I will then be able to fulfil the next level for myself, which are relationships and intimacy, which in turn will propel my self esteem and that will activate my “Self Actualisation” where peak experiences occur. Big stuff.
Finally I let go of the chilled mass and the relief was extraordinary. It had not been pleasant, but it had worked. I am adamant now that my fat has had its day. Small portions of healthy food, little and often and lots of exercise. Not difficult and with the variety of healthy food available and it will be enjoyable I’m sure.
I also considered what my dream shape and size would be. I visualised weighing 85kgs of muscle, with big arms, chest and back. A strong friend of mine weighs 90kgs and is an inch or two taller. 85kgs will do for me. I imagined what it would be like to be muscular and buff. Wow!
My plan is to get rid of this annoying fatty tissue, leaving only what is necessary for health. If I reduce my fat level down to bodybuilder standards (4-7%) then my fatty reserves will be too small and I’d feel weak.
Once I can see my abs, I’ll push on with a weight training programme and a high protein diet. My insecurity about my body is over. I have taken charge and nothing is going to stop me.
Warmest wishes,
Dan