Have you ever started out wanting to be someone or achieve something when you were younger and found it changed or just remained a dream?  Some of us have always known what we want, but few have had that luxury. Most of us if we are honest have a mixture of hopes and anxieties and feel uncertain about many things. Sometimes we are on tracks that we have been pushed on to are not at all happy in.  How do we find what it is that is to be our ‘legacy’ in life?  Ever wondered why you are here?  I was buying a ticket in the underground and the guy behind the counter who was very helpful said ‘no problem luv that’s wot I’m ere for!’ and I remember saying ‘I wish I knew what I was here for!’

Some of us need more purpose than others – we are all different.  We all have a need to be significant in some way and everyone has their own particular version of it. The thing is that we live in a world of change.  Everything is changing all the time – the world, our neighbourhood, our workplace and especially the cells in our bodies!  You would think that with all the changes we constantly have to cope with that we would be used to change by now, but most of us still do not adjust well and find change stressful.

Where is your journey taking you?
It stands to reason that if we use the metaphor of life being like a journey, that changes will occur in our dreams and goals too.  There are phases in life and our needs and wants change as we get older.  Those who are the most content seem to roll with the waves and adjust quickly to the route twisting and turning.

Have you ever envied a school friend or colleague who has simply sailed along and achieved all they ever wanted to?  It can happen but most of it probably wasn’t plain sailing if the truth was to be known.  This is one of the things that can put us off even trying – the misperception that it is easy for Joe Clever clogs or Polly Privileged.  Now we are seeing how perfectly ordinary people can make their dreams happen by having it highlighted on TV especially in talent shows and true-life stories.

Sometimes we grow up with – I know I have said it before ‘SELF LIMITING BELIEFS’ that rule us – and they don’t even have to be subconscious.  Family sayings like ‘you’ll never be anything more than a karaoke singer’ ‘the only audience you will be in front of is a captive one!’ We get programmed into thinking negatively because we hear negative comments over and over again and become programmed.

Aside from self limiting beliefs of course there are other factors that affect our life outcomes:-
• Outside influences and circumstances beyond our control i.e. lack of money for education, illness, stress caused by family breakups.
• Family expectations and circumstances.  It takes courage to step out and do something that no-one in the family have done before!  ‘Mum, Dad, sit down…you see I have decided to leave college.  I am going to join a circus and become an acrobat.’
• Our experience of life so far – we may have had many setbacks and may have deep issues of low self-esteem that simply glue us down.
• Our deep down desires (needs and wants) – we may have a conflict and not know which path to go down because there are too many possibilities.
• Past lives – some believe that we choose our life, our relatives and circumstances before we arrive.  However, there can be unfinished business from a former existence that may affect our ability to move on in this life until it is resolved.
• The way we look at life – our own personal framework influenced by our character and personality.

Whether it’s that you lack purpose, are negatively programmed or your circumstances are holding you back or you simply are not sure which route to go down, the key to finding your path in life lies within.

Know Thyself
Knowing who you are i.e. your strengths and weaknesses, what you want, how you function best and so on takes time and as I mentioned previously we do change and develop as we grow older – that is to be expected and encouraged.  The only way we can really get to know ourselves is by living life to the full.  Taking a certain amount of risks and making our own opportunities.  Not staying on the edge of the pool but diving right in!  Involving and engaging ourselves.  It also takes reflection and contemplation i.e. listening and learning from the wise that have done it all already – and listening to the voice within

Appropriate choices
We have to make realistic and authentic choices.  There is no point doing something that we are not suited to just to prove that we can take risks.  We have to think about the consequences and implications of our decision-making.

Authenticity
We can only be as true to ourselves as our awareness will allow.  There are always areas within us that we are not aware of.  If we saw all our strengths and weaknesses in one go it could be a bit too much to cope with!  Authenticity is about an attitude of mind and a way of living life.  Being as honest as you can be with yourself and others.

Having a Plan
There is a well worn saying ‘those who fail to plan – plan to fail!  However, it is logical.  If you are going on a journey you begin with the end in mind – the route may vary but you know where you are going…

Taking Action
We can make changes in our thinking that govern our whole being, but those changes will not stick and become part of us unless we take positive physical action.  Whether it’s changing jobs, changing partners or getting a makeover – you have to make those changes show and that in turn helps your mind to accept the changes as fact.  Like on the computer when you have made changes to a document and are closing the file and it says ‘do you want to save changes?’ – you have to take physical action and click the box.  Not taking action keeps it all as theory in the same way that dreams remain dreams instead of goals that have been achieved if no plan is made and no action taken.

So being on track is about understanding the journey, knowing yourself, making plans that evolve and can be flexible and taking action – as a way of life!

© August 2008 Helen Bright Dip Clin Hyp, PNLP, Lifecoach

So what is the best way to handle setbacks and life events that happen to throw you off centre?

1. Don’t beat yourself up! - so many of us are kind to others and brutal on ourselves. If we are moving forwards we must expect challenges because that is when growth happens.

2. Go into neutral – we have inbuilt coping mechanisms. Ever noticed how your mind can go almost numb and you feel a bit spacey when stress happens? When you are going through something, it is not the best time to be objective. Allow yourself time to adjust and keep functioning as best you can. You will get through it even though it may not seem like it at the time.

3. Flow with the current – If someone is drowning it is impossible to save them if they are resisting. Solutions always come more readily if you stay as calm as reasonably possible.

4. Re-evaluate – when you are ready, and things have calmed down take some time out to reassess the situation and revisit your desires and goals. We aim for things for all sorts of reasons and there are times when we don’t need to do something anymore and move on.

5. Hit the refresh button – find ways to bring new flow into your life. Allow yourself to do something new or spontaneous. Make a new decision based on the insight you have gained.

Realising that there is a right time for everything, helps us not to stress too much over where we are on our journey, and encourages us to be less judgmental on ourselves and others. I find this particularly when working with my clients. Sometimes someone will come with a specific problem and the work we get down to is actually something different. We know deep down what we are ready to tackle and sometimes hypnosis helps us get to the reality of that. Learning to ‘breathe’ and just ‘be’ is also extremely important as there is so much in life to experience and enjoy!

If you have any comments or would like further information, I would be pleased to hear from you. Anything written is always based on true life experience.

Helen Bright Dip Clin Hyp, PNLP, Lifecoach & Trainer
http:www.helenbright.co.uk
+44(0)207 278 7877
07809 827828

© July 2008